Weird Thought

For the second day now I have slept in late. Yesterday was my annual Sunday sleep in day I woke at about ten in the morning. Today I also slept in I was awake just after the sun rose. I know tomorrow will be before the sun rises and for the next three weeks or so it will once again be long before the sun wipes the sleep from his eyes. It is a routine, I know a really crazy one but still a routine. Once or twice a year I sleep in late, once or twice a month I will wake between six and seven the rest from about twelve, usually at about two or three.

Whilst I watch my morning game drive on Wild Earth my mind starts to wonder, it goes to a weird place I guess in a way a dark, quiet place. What if I didn’t like who I was, what then? What would I do with all the spare time I seem to have on my hands? I have never had this thought before what a crazy way to live a life-hating who you are. I guess in a way your life would not be such a good one, or it would be a real struggle to get up each day, get out of bed and get through the day which in my mind be another long, long day.

The other evening we sat with a few people we had just met I noticed the one guy would every now and then close his eyes in a kind of weird way I thought. I didn’t think too much of this until later into the evening when I got to talk to his wife a light came on and my instincts were right on the money. As I watched him enjoying the evening as we all were I knew there was something about him. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I knew this guy has issues.

His wife then tells us about her successful husband what a great guy he is how he is the light of her life…also the darkness. The darkness wow! She told us how he suffers from depression how he struggles to get through each and every day. She talks how it is so good to see him enjoying the evening and how they rarely get to spend moments like this one too often. If he doesn’t take his daily dose of meds she says he gets out of control and all hell breaks loose. I then think wow that can’t be a good way to live having to have to take a daily dose of pills just to keep your sanity.

Wait a minute thinking to myself I am on chronic meds I have to take my daily dose. I don’t have my wife telling or asking me anymore if I have taken my pills but I still have to take them and I do. I have no issue with taking pills each day. If I don’t I don’t lose too many of my marbles but I do get a bit crazy. Straight away I get back into my daily dose early in the morning gulp them down and on I go.

I love my life and I love who I am, yes I can hate what has happened to me and sit in the corner crying but I don’t why what is the point. I don’t know what others go through all the struggles they face on a daily basis and I cannot and will never judge another. I also know that depression is real it isn’t a ‘thing’ we go through it is real and it is a killer.

What a weird thought-I hate who I am! Ooh it gives me the creeps.

 

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