I Told me I Can

A few days ago I did something I have never done before. Well after my accident that is and as I write this the big event I did on my own disappears into the abyss…  (Five minutes or so lapse) okay its back. I had to get to Fourways crossing to post a book I could have asked or normally I ask Ange to help but today is different. I can do this I know I can and so I set off to post a book.

The three odd kilometre distance walk is not a problem the issue I have is that I have not been this way on my own since Covid hit. I pack my bag make sure everything is there and I am off. I am nervous but I know I can do this, every thought I have that can go wrong is played out in my mind and I have thought of the solution to all of them. The greatest thought is that of fear; what happens if someone wants to rob me what do I do? I know what to do I have been taught this in rehab. Fight, flight or freeze. Throw my bag down and run like Forest Gump okay sorted.

I leave the safety of our gate but something is preventing me from continuing okay I think slow down and check my bag. Bag checked I now know exactly why my mind is telling me to stop. The one reason why I am going to Fourways is to post my book. Well ass where is your book? F… no book my book is at home my adventure has started well. Actually it has because today I listened to the buzzing in my mind which I don’t usually do.

I get to Post Net I make sure the details are correct, pay the hundred rand check details again-all done. I call Ange tell her of my success and I head home. Home safe I lay down I am pretty tired I recon because of me worrying too much but I did it I managed to do what I set out to do on my own.

At the beginning of the month I told my dad I will visit him in a couple of weeks. Those weeks went by we could not book a place on the usual bus they have closed down due to Covid. Yesterday I said to myself Ange is busy she is working why can’t I find another company to get me to Hoedspruit. And so I start looking eventually I find a company that can get me there. Long and short of this today I booked and payed departure and return confirmed by Ange. Well done babes she says it’s done!

I did it yes okay Ange was guiding me through the payment process and double checked that I am on the right bus but it is done. Friday at 2pm The Gene Genie will collect me at the drop off point I will be in good spirits knowing that I kind of did this on my own. Unless Ange has put me on a bus to Timbuktu.

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