I Wonder…

I Wonder

Monday morning 5am I’m up and my mind is racing. F… I think to myself that didn’t take long as I stepped out of bed I was already wondering…what I will do today. It literally takes a thought and I get bored.

I do my beads but sitting in a room watching my hands trying to navigate a three quarter piece of string through a millimeterbead hole gets a bit how can I say it-overwhelming. Besides my bead business went bankrupt a while ago the reason being I just give them away, which by the way gives me great pleasure in doing so. Giving whoever it may be a bracelet I explain the odd green bead on the bracelet ‘it’s the colour of a brain injury’ I say and so I explain my story. This is my way of how I have started my TBI awareness campaign.

My official work status is: a writer. I have published one book and I am well into the second to be published this is based on Achilles and what it is doing and has done for me. I have put the other twelve or so on hold. There is a problem though it’s called “writers block”. I write several pages once written I go back and read…wrong, wrong, and wrong delete.

I cannot write something which I am not happy with I then try again but ultimately it remains wrong. My mind needs to be in a good place when I write otherwise what is the point. So back to the header what will I do today? The result would probably be me getting into no good and disappointing Ange.

My veggie garden is going well soon I will be selling my veggies but I cannot sit and watch the plants growing this too starts to buzz my brain. My greatest disappointment is letting Ange down which I promise myself not to do but still over and over I seem to have the knack of doing. Well I must try harder and I know I will get over this hurdle but it is difficult I guess the bottom line is that a brain injury is extremely difficult to get over.

I need to find a way and I know I will for now I guess I just don’t think too well about what I do too often. It take a second and I start to wonder what I can do now. Sorry Ange I really don’t want to disappoint you I have to try harder and I will.

Today I will make my first batch of chilli sauce grown in my own garden I hope it takes the entire day to make otherwise I wonder what I will do once I have completed the first batch.



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