I Wonder

I Wonder

As I sit here writing on one of the many uncompleted books I have started I hear one of my speech therapist telling me as I hand her my first completed book-‘My broken Brain’.

‘Bevan, you can’t complete a book in a few months’.

It takes some authors many, many years to complete a book as many as ten she says. She is correct I cannot in a few months but months later I have completed one. Yes two years of writing is some time but if I take the amount of time I forgot I was even writing a book I know I would have finished it in less than a year. The time it has taken me to complete my first or the amount of books I am currently writing (eleven) is not why I now write this post it is all about the header-I Wonder.

My mind strays from the many words I summon to position in a specific place on the screen. It wonders to the unknown the place where we  all go to we go there to perhaps confirm that we are indeed on the correct path. We also go there to try figure out what happened why am I now doing what I am doing what happened to my goals my dreams?

What happened to me this is not what I wanted. Many years ago I must have wondered about the road I would be traveling on-about my dreams. This is most certainly not the road I thought I would find myself on. This road is rough it is full of pot holes has many blind rises the broken centre line stretches so far ahead it becomes a solid line. A solid line which I cannot over take on. This road seems to take so very long to just overcome a small blind rise it seems to wear me down I become tired as I drive even in the brightness of the day I seem to be too tired to continue.

As one wonders they may be extremely sad that the road they thought they would be on now is no longer there it has faded away, it is gone and it will never return. I should be sad I should be mad and angry at the world but I am not. I am proud of me I am proud that I keep my eyes open as I continue through the long stretch even though It takes me so long to conquer that small rise. As I carefully and slowly pass over the top of the rise I see many, many more ahead. I see heavy rain and dark clouds but also I see a bright stream of glistening light breaking through the darkness.

As I see the stream of light I know that I am indeed on the right road. A difficult road but a good road the pot holes and dangerous bends are only there to test me to keep me alert. I know I will travel safely on this road-my road. I will because I am alive and I am strong I will travel it as long as it takes. I can and I will I will because I want to.

If you also find yourself on a scary road don’t give in don’t fall asleep that ray of light will break through the darkness and then you will see why you had to travel this route.

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