Who am I?

Who Am I?

Do we actually know who we are? I have small moments of realisation just moments which are just fine for me as I am alive and strong. I do know this in which ever realisation moment I am in whether it is the one or the other there are two of me two people two worlds which are ultimately linked into one body. The one part is a forty eight year old proud but broken man who is healing more and more each day. The other part as my neuro surgeon says is an infant a young child trying to understand how life works just growing and living learning from the mistakes and the experiences of life day by day. I have disputed this theory for long as I could not really understand this I just could not accept this. I could not until today or I assume not until today but I am sure I have had this realisation many times but my brain does not allow me to keep these thoughts for most of my short term memory gets placed into the abyss.

This morning just before the sun blessed us with energising life I was lying in the tent I had found and erected in our garden. This is my new office my place, my place of safety where I can write amongst nature. I lay there quietly but soon my private space filled with three others- What I thought ‘get out’ I yelled ‘this is my place’ then I laughed well of course my two chickens Ginger and Ninja and my kitty Milli will not listen and why should they get out I thought they are my companions and they understand me.

I then had a realisation I understood the infant in me. The forty eight year old Bevan before his accident would have erected the tent to see if it was in order perhaps used it for an evening and then packed it away. Now though it stands as my own place I use it daily and share it with two chickens and a cat! This is the infant the infant playing and enjoying the moment. Is this wrong, I don’t think so and if I am an infant I am okay with that I love life and I love who I am I enjoy both of me also if I think about it how many people can live a happy life by living and understanding that there are two people living in one body. Oh and I don’t think it is multiple personality disorder. Well I hope not.



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