TBI State of Mind

TBI State of Mind

I recently had a depressing thought even though this thought is realistic and is probably just the way it will be this was that I will always be looked down at as someone who is odd and kind of a small child again who is too different to be around. Many ordinary people only really understand that I have brain damage and I am less of a person than any other. TBI is an unknown abbreviation traumatic brain injury – just that an injury not a sickness.

I do say this with the greatest respect to others who do not see me often for I do know that it is extremely difficult to understand and accept a person who has a TBI but it is sad and lonely for me and I do know that it is my journey or actually our journey as my amazing wife Ange is right there at my side as I live in my TBI state of mind. Recently whilst sitting with family and friends at my beautiful moms wake we were all celebrating a beautiful life I was looked at and a finger was waved at me indicating that I shouldn’t partake in this moment as I was… well what I got was I am telling you what you are doing is wrong and you should not be doing this so by waving my finger you should now listen. Of course I did not I just got up and moved to another table for a moment. I could not argue or state my point of view as I cannot really hold this kind of conversation I get far too emotional and freak out so the better thing to do was to just move away. I do know that it would have been a one sided conversation for they would not truly understand how it is for me. This is one of the lonely roads of a TBI one which I have to travel on my own so I do and I am okay with this.

As the daylight faded and the moon took over I was still sitting talking to many people and loving all these great moments my wife, son and daughter were there too enjoying great times. What an amazing day it was we could all celebrate the life of my dear mom and share this with family and friends. Once again I am learning that TBI is actually harder for others to understand than what it is for me to live with I am okay with this as I love life more now than ever before. Me and my TBI state of mind is just okay.

 

 

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